Updated: Sep 19, 2019
As a child, in my household we grew up super Christian and anything other than the power of Jesus Christ was forbidden. The stories in the Bible never really sat well with me and I always had questions in the back of my head about the whole thing growing up. But, it was all I knew, it was what I was taught and what I was forced to believe, as was my family. It’s almost as if it was a tradition rather than an actual religion (I mean if you think about it, a lot of religions are traditions within the family). I believed there was more to this faith thing and I was longing for a story that made sense to me.
It was one of my favorite shows to watch as a child no matter how many times I got in trouble for watching it. According to my mom, it was the devil. In fact, any show or movie that she sought was scary or supernatural was demonized and restricted in my house. But that didn’t stop my urge of interest in Charmed. Yes, of course I knew that some of the acts in the show weren’t real, but I became fascinated about spells, potions, mantras, the manifestations they made in the kitchen and the bonds that were needed for the magic they created. I remember as a kid looking up spells from the internet, wanting a book of shadows and believing that there was a whole new and hidden world of magic out there that I wanted to know more about. But as I got older, Christianity was pushed on me more and more and to be honest, so much that I actually began to have faith in Jesus. When I grew into my early twenties, my belief in Christianity was at the upmost high. I was attuned and communized to the religion as my mother, grandmother and elders had been. Now don't get it twisted, I was down with the get down. Church Goer, bible study, prayer and the Holy Ghost was my jam. Shit, I even introduced my ex man to the church and he gave his life to christ! So it was all very real and even until this day i'll admit that calling on the name of Jesus in the past (and I'm not even knocking it now) has pulled me out of some tremendous, grimy hell-hole situations that I will forever be thankful for. But truth be told, the whole bible story didn't resonate with me and I needed something that did. I knew that my great grandmother was magical. I don't remember too much about her, only vague memories but from the stories I've heard, in my eyes, she was a witch (my family would probably kill me for saying that, but call it what you want). She was the neighborhood witch mom. People would go to her to foresee their future, find out answers to questions no one but a true magical witch (fortune teller as you would call it) would know and talk to her for hours in desperate need of the right direction in life. She read palms, she read minds and she could tell the future. I knew deep down, in addition to my roots that there was a more realistic magical belief in my bones that had been dug into the grave. As I started to dive into yoga, my mind began to open and make space for things I would have been opposed to in the past. And by the end of training to become a yoga instructor (don't worry I have a blog for that coming soon), I was walking into my corporate job with a bindi on my forehead, smelling like a pound of sage and the Bhagavad Gita stuck in my hands looking like a black Hind (Now you let me know if you've ever seen one lmao). I was open, I was free yet I was still caged in, hiding my new found freedom from my family. I was scared of what my mom would think, scared of what my friends would think and even second guess what my man at the time would think. But it felt GOOD. I felt good. I felt more like me. I gradually creeped my new found spirituality onto my mom through FaceTime since she lived in North Carolina, with my bright red bindi on my forehead. At first she made jokes of it and even rebuked the devil from my life almost every phone call until she realized I was her grandmothers roots. There was no running from it and I sure as hell wasn't hiding what felt like home anymore. So eventually my mom had to accept the fact that I had become more spiritual than religious and my belief in Christianity alone had been surpassed. If you're wondering what my religion is, I don't have one. I believe that most religions have the same base foundation which is do good, don't lie, cheat, deceive, steal and have a belief in a higher god or power. What I believe in is my own inner magic. The magic that I believe we all have inside of us. I believe that we were all created from one. The trees, your car, the stars in the sky and our humane bodies all have the same core atoms as the universe and of god. We are and everything around us is all connected as one. And because we are all made from that one powerful source, we have that piece of godly magic inside of us that has been burried under the fornications of our traditions and family beliefs. Though in terms, may not be a bad thing, but if you feel lost in faith or your traditional religion doesn't make sense to you, I urge you to dig deep and find that witch within. The witch that has the power to manifest whatever it is you want in life, the witch that the white supremacist burned and beat out of our ancestors and the witch that you may actually be fearful of. We are all charmed ones in my eyes, but it takes a lot of courage, soul digging, breaking family traditions and ones own belief that you are ONE. So, if you were the kid who watched charmed but grew up in that christian household, I challenge you to believe in your power. That thing we call out "gut feeling/instinct", yea.. thats the god in you. so do it, be charmed.
BELIEVE IN YOU.